The Unspoken Truth About The Other Woman

The unspoken truth no one tells you about the other woman; things that we just get to discover on our own. No one prepared my little mama heart for this. 

I have a 19 year old son who moved out a year ago. I spent days on end crying and trying to wrap my head around the fact he wasn’t going to live in my home anymore. The day he moved out was a sad sad day. In all that time I spent upset over him moving, it never occurred to me that there was something worse.

I was going to have to share him with another woman. 

For 19 years I have been my son’s world. Actually that isn’t accurate at all. For 19 years he has been MY world.

I was 17 when he was born, I was a child raising a child. In many ways we grew up together. 

We learned and explored our new worlds. Him, an infant going through all his milestones. Me, a scared teenager trying to deal with life on my own. I didn’t really know how to take care of myself, let alone a husband and a child.

For years I struggled with knowing the right way to parent him. I was scared that he would make terrible decisions and get hurt.

I didn’t know when to be strict and when not to be. Because of this, I erred on the side of strict more often than not

As I have grown through life, I have learned that it’s not beneficial to parent each child in the same way. I have three boys and they all have such different personalities and respond to different ways of parenting and discipline.

Oh goodness! Once I figured that out it was a game changer. Parenting still isn’t easy but at least I have learned that. 

There were times that my oldest son and I would get extremely upset at each other. When he was 16 he left the house and stayed with his friend for a week. I had gotten angry and reacted poorly over dishes being in the sink. He rightfully removed himself from the situation. It took me a week to apologize and beg him to come home. My ego had taken a hit and it was hard to be wrong.

I had a period of two years where I wasn’t the most wonderful person to be around. I was angry and drank a lot, my perfectionist-OCD self never seemed to chill the fuck out, and nothing was ever good enough unless I did it myself.

Yet, this child tried with all his might to make his mama happy. 

Oh hell, I’m crying now. 

It’s hard when I look back and see all the areas where I messed up as a parent.

I honestly think it just takes time and growth to know better and to be better as a parent. I had a lot of work to do on myself and needed to unlearn behaviors and ideas of what parenting is “supposed” to look like. This is a constant work in progress and there are many days where I feel like I fail them.

Parenting is not cookie cutter, one size fits all.

My children have been caught in the crossfire of me learning who I am and how to be a productive member of society as well as learning how to be a “good” mom. 

Lucky for me, I have some outstanding kiddos with giant forgiving hearts.

I’m not perfect and I still have a lot of learning to do. However, I feel like I have recognized and corrected many toxic behaviors. 

We would have to ask them to know for sure, but I feel better about how I show up for them. I am on the road of learning to forgive myself for things I had not yet learned.

I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

Now that I know, I’m trying to do better. 

I felt like I was just getting to the good part. I had finally found my footing on how to be a good mom to him, then he up and left. Not only did he leave…

Now he has a girlfriend that is his WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD!

Excuse me sir, I didn’t approve this.  

Why are there not giant billboards telling moms of mama’s boys that the hardest thing they will have to learn how to do is share their baby boys with other women?

I mean come on. We should be looking out for each other. Just a little heads up would have been nice. I’m sure someone else has already said this somewhere. I cannot be the first.

In fact I know I’m not. After having this thought I googled articles about this dynamic.

Luckily for me. I have just enough self-awareness to realize what is going on so I don’t completely sabotage my relationship with my son. 

It also helps that I can still remember how I was as a teenager. I married a man who wasn’t good for me. My family begged me not to, but I insisted I was in love. I was angry with them for years for not liking him.

I wrote the book on

I’m gonna fuck around and find out. 

My son is not any different. He is learning and growing in his own way. Learning how to give him space to do that has been difficult to say the least.

He is in love and to him, she is the best thing since sliced bread.

I have never told him any of this. Son, if you are reading this. I love you!! 

He stopped coming to our house as much and everytime he did he brought her. They have these cute little inside jokes that no one gets. In a room full of people they are the only ones who are in it. 

Mom?

Who is that? 

My ego took a beating. Doesn’t she know I’m his whole world? 

I am sooooooo joking right now. I really am.

Was I sad?

Yes.

Did it take some time to adjust?

Absolutely.

Am I happy for him?

Of course. 

After I got through the pain and suffering of having to contend with the other woman, I saw my son in a whole new light.

I realized that he had turned out to be the kind of man I so desperately wanted to raise.

Watching how he treats her makes my heart explode out of my chest.

I am in awe of the man he has become. He is such a gentle, loving, kind, forgiving, human who knows how to communicate his feelings in a respectful and honest way. 

I am so grateful that in learning to have to share my child – I saw him fully. Not only as my son but as a caring partner and amazing human. 

It’s been rough. My little mama heart has been jealous. But more than either of those two things I have so much gratitude for this other woman.

She helped me see my son in a new light. 

I wouldn’t be mad at all if he wanted to move back home though.

Honestly, I want to build a compound and have all my children live with me until the day I die. They will never allow that. They have big dreams and are going to far away places.

And that’s okay.

Now that I have been through this rodeo once, I will be better prepared for the next two. 

So to the mama’s of mama’s boys out there. 

This is my warning. 

Prepare yourself now because this shit isn’t easy. However, it is definitely worth hanging on and going through this learning curve. 

Sharing my sons with other women can be a blessing if I chose to see it from a different perspective.

They are going to give me the precious gift of being able to love daughters. I’m also excited to witness them acting like the gentle and kind men I raised.

I so desperately wanted a girl every time I was expecting a child. Each time the ultrasound technician told me I was having a boy, I cried. I am truly grateful for my boys. I know now that I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. It’s almost like God knew what he was doing.

Winks 😉

Bring on the other women!  I’m ready for it now. Oh, and I’m also ready to be a grandma when they are ready and the time comes. I’m sure that will be a grand adventure and I am stoked! 

All the Love,